running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize