I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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