Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
