and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
