I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
