My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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