I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
