we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
