I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
