I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
