we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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