so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
