Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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