the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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