well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
