I would go down on you faster than GM stock
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
