Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
