i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
