he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My bed smells like the plague
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
