the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
