im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
