Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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