whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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