I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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