I just cut my nipple shaving
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
