I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
