Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
