dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
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so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
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I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
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