i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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