I CAN MOONWALK!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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