i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
