My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
