I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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