oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
