you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
