I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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