and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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