Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
