it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
