Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
