So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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