wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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