What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You brought string cheese to the strip club
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
