Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize