party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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