before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
