the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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