Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
