I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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