Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
