You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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