so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
did i walk over a car last night?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
