My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
