he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
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He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
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He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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