I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
