I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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