She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
