No stitches, just platelets and will power
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
