please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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