Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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