I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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