White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
And then my night got REAL pukey
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
