Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
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