you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
