I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
